Int: Bridge of Spaceship. CAPT GRANT, a human, is speaking to NARNON, a
blue hairy alien type; use your imagination. They are both sitting.
CAPT: So, what makes you feel you'd be right as a pilot?
NARNON: I'm a splendid communicator Captain Grant. I'm conversant in 400
languages including text speak and illiterate facebook chav.
CAPT: Oh, really? I could never get my head around it at the academy.
NARNON: It's not that complicated really. You just swap i's for y's and
end every sentence with 'innit blud' and you're halfway there.
CAPT: It says here that you were almost part of the Technotronic Galaxial Royal Family.
NARNON: Yes. I was due to marry Princess Mardiothon but I just couldn't go through with it.
CAPT: Why ever not man?! Think of the money, the power, the pan, the
van, the Boursin. Besides, I heard technotrons can do strange and
wonderful things with their third inmurpredates.
NARNON: (beat) There will be things I'll miss about her but it would
never have worked. The whole family support Accrington Stanley.
CAPT: Accrington Stanley? Who are they?
NARNON: A shit football team from the Northwest of
England....originally. But now, they are part of the Neo-scouse
Religious Soccer league. Games last days. Cars are ceremonially left on
bricks and it's frowned upon if you don't chant (in scouse accent)
'Exactly' over and over again. I just couldn't do it anymore.
CAPT: So how did you get out of it then?
NARNON: Oh, I just whistled the tune to Please Release Me until she
asked what I was singing. Then I sang her chorus while giving her the
finger. I still have bruises on my dwarfinin.
CAPT: So, do you want the job.
NARNON: Don't you need to see any credentials. You've not asked if I can fly the thing yet.
CAPT: Fly? This is Transport for Pluto, Pal. We're on strike till next
year. You'll have plenty of time to learn. Welcome aboard comrade.
Showing posts with label Uncle Tom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uncle Tom. Show all posts
Friday, June 29, 2012
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sketch idea and other stuff
So, I've been mulling over a sketch i want to put together taking the mickey out of Inspector Morse (yes, finger on the pulse, current, cutting edge..)
Quite simply it involves a caricature of Lewis reviewing the case for Morse.
ie, Wai eye man, divvent ya knar Morse man, spuggy man (etc) Lady St John-Barrington-Smythe had motive because she wanted the old man's money but her alibi is watertight. Lord Fontelroy-Shalalabingbong was jealous of the old man's success with women but we know he was on other side of Oxford carrying on the Professor (etc)
At which point Morse declares the famous words..."My God Lewis, I've been so stupid!"
We cut to the famous red antique jaguar gunning down the narrow streets of Oxford. It squeals to a halt. We then cut to a shot of the backseat. On it is a very bewildered, roughed up, black man. (ie they're fitting him up). The sketch ends as we hear morse ask Lewis to pull over so he can buy a bag of oranges, or a bar of soap and a pair of socks, or a pair of pliers and a disposable lighter.
Obviously funnier in my head. But what do you know.
From there i was thinking about another John Thaw production which was the adaptation of Michelle Magorian's book, Goodnight Mister Tom. I always get mixed up when saying that title and call it 'Goodbye Uncle Tom' which led me to think of another sketch, a wartime evacuee is taken in by an apologetic subservient black guy in a quaint 1930's gloucestershire village. Not funny when i think about it but seemed nicely absurd at the time. Anyway, this led me to research Uncle Tom's Cabin a little. I've never read it but obviously I know its place in the lead up to the American Civil war and abolition of slavery. I found it interesting and a little sad that the book led to the expression 'Uncle Tom' to describe a black person who kowtows to white people too much. The truth is that stereotype came about more from dramatic interpretations of the book. In the book itself Tom comes across as to me as an extremely strong and principled character, but someone with a great faith in God; someone who forgives his tormentors. As said, I need to read the book and decide for myself but that's my impression.
Dunno, out.
Quite simply it involves a caricature of Lewis reviewing the case for Morse.
ie, Wai eye man, divvent ya knar Morse man, spuggy man (etc) Lady St John-Barrington-Smythe had motive because she wanted the old man's money but her alibi is watertight. Lord Fontelroy-Shalalabingbong was jealous of the old man's success with women but we know he was on other side of Oxford carrying on the Professor (etc)
At which point Morse declares the famous words..."My God Lewis, I've been so stupid!"
We cut to the famous red antique jaguar gunning down the narrow streets of Oxford. It squeals to a halt. We then cut to a shot of the backseat. On it is a very bewildered, roughed up, black man. (ie they're fitting him up). The sketch ends as we hear morse ask Lewis to pull over so he can buy a bag of oranges, or a bar of soap and a pair of socks, or a pair of pliers and a disposable lighter.
Obviously funnier in my head. But what do you know.
From there i was thinking about another John Thaw production which was the adaptation of Michelle Magorian's book, Goodnight Mister Tom. I always get mixed up when saying that title and call it 'Goodbye Uncle Tom' which led me to think of another sketch, a wartime evacuee is taken in by an apologetic subservient black guy in a quaint 1930's gloucestershire village. Not funny when i think about it but seemed nicely absurd at the time. Anyway, this led me to research Uncle Tom's Cabin a little. I've never read it but obviously I know its place in the lead up to the American Civil war and abolition of slavery. I found it interesting and a little sad that the book led to the expression 'Uncle Tom' to describe a black person who kowtows to white people too much. The truth is that stereotype came about more from dramatic interpretations of the book. In the book itself Tom comes across as to me as an extremely strong and principled character, but someone with a great faith in God; someone who forgives his tormentors. As said, I need to read the book and decide for myself but that's my impression.
Dunno, out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)