To boldly go

Int: Bridge of Spaceship. CAPT GRANT, a human, is speaking to NARNON, a blue hairy alien type; use your imagination. They are both sitting.

CAPT: So, what makes you feel you'd be right as a pilot?

NARNON: I'm a splendid communicator Captain Grant. I'm conversant in 400 languages including text speak and illiterate facebook chav.

CAPT: Oh, really? I could never get my head around it at the academy.

NARNON: It's not that complicated really. You just swap i's for y's and end every sentence with 'innit blud' and you're halfway there.

CAPT: It says here that you were almost part of the Technotronic Galaxial Royal Family.

NARNON: Yes. I was due to marry Princess Mardiothon but I just couldn't go through with it.

CAPT: Why ever not man?! Think of the money, the power, the pan, the van, the Boursin. Besides, I heard technotrons can do strange and wonderful things with their third inmurpredates.

NARNON: (beat) There will be things I'll miss about her but it would never have worked. The whole family support Accrington Stanley.

CAPT: Accrington Stanley? Who are they?

NARNON: A shit football team from the Northwest of England....originally. But now, they are part of the Neo-scouse Religious Soccer league. Games last days. Cars are ceremonially left on bricks and it's frowned upon if you don't chant (in scouse accent) 'Exactly' over and over again. I just couldn't do it anymore.

CAPT: So how did you get out of it then?

NARNON: Oh, I just whistled the tune to Please Release Me until she asked what I was singing. Then I sang her chorus while giving her the finger. I still have bruises on my dwarfinin.

CAPT: So, do you want the job.

NARNON: Don't you need to see any credentials. You've not asked if I can fly the thing yet.

CAPT: Fly? This is Transport for Pluto, Pal. We're on strike till next year. You'll have plenty of time to learn. Welcome aboard comrade.

PMT Sketch

INT: Bedroom

Close up of an horrendous looking HELL-BEAST with salivating mandibles and red eyes

Camera pulls out slowly to a shot that frames the bed and the door to the left of it whilst

FX: sickening growling sound in time with HELL-BEAST's breathing

We see HELL-BEAST is sat up in bed wearing a tattered pink pyjama top. It's a double bed and HELL-BEAST is in the bed on the side furthest from the door.

HELL-BEAST: (in a woman's voice)
Dave! Are you bringing that hotwater bottle?

DAVE: (from outside the room)
Yeah, just doing it. Was waiting for the kettle to boil.

HELL-BEAST: Have you burped it?

DAVE: Sorry, love, what did you say?

HELL-BEAST: HAVE YOU BURPED IT? I LIKE IT BURPED.

DAVE: (Evenly)
I know, I'm just doing it, won't be a sec

Enter Dave in pyjama bottoms carrying hotwater bottle

DAVE: Here you go love. Was just switching off in there.

Dave hands over hotwater bottle and gets into bed. The both get settled. From the bumps in the covers we see DAVE extend a leg over and rub down HELL-BEAST's lower leg and foot.

HELL-BEAST: Dave, f**king seriously?

DAVE: (beat) Sorry, sorry.

End.