Arnold's Gardening Services

Ext: A Garden.  ARNOLD (dressed in gardening clothes) is speaking to Mr LAWRENCE (an old and deviant looking man)

ARNOLD: Hello Mr Lawrence!  We spoke on the phone.  I'm Arnold.  I've come to talk about doing your gardening for you.

MR LAWRENCE:  Hello!  I'm afraid you'll have to forgive me but i don't trust you.  You'll have to answer some devilish questions before i'll consent to give you my custom m'laddo.

ARNOLD:  Ri...

MR LAWRENCE:  (pointing)  What's that?!

ARNOLD:  Oh, that's Lavender.  Likes it quite dry and not too rich.

MR LAWRENCE:   (pointing)  Oh.  What's that?!

ARNOLD: Camelia.  Blooms in early spring.  Dead head it and it'll bloom more vigourously next season.

MR LAWRENCE:  (pointing) Oh.  What's that?!

ARNOLD:  What?

MR LAWRENCE:  That, there.

ARNOLD:  Where?  Behind my van?
 
MR LAWRENCE:  So, you know it's name.

ARNOLD:  My van?

MR LAWRENCE:  Yes, and??

ARNOLD:   (beat)  It likes diesel.  Is full of tools.  Occasionally a bit tricksy to start on cold mornings.  Does this weird thing with the electric windows sometimes.

MR LAWRENCE:  (Pointing)  Oh.  What's that?!

ARNOLD:  That appears to be a life size cardboard cut out of BBC Sports presenter Hazel Irvine.

MR LAWRENCE:  Yes?

ARNOLD:  While equally adept in football, rugby, athletics or show jumping, Hazel really thrives on snooker and i suspect is getting a portion off John Virgo.

MR LAWRENCE:  My Hazel?  With that big brute from Big Break?  Never!  Never I say!

(He composes himself)

Well, everything appears to be in order.  Can you start on Wednesday?

ARNOLD:  No.