The third group game sketch

FX: Crowd noise

Commentator: Not much has happened in this Euro 2012 match so far as we near half-time. TWO TIMING LOVE RAT picks it up near halfway. He passes to FREQUENTER OF AGING PROSTITUTES who quickly returns it. There doesn't seem to be anyway through and yes, I'm afraid it's going all the way back to SEEMS LIKE A NICE GUY BUT THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT WELSH CHAPPY; HE'S PROBABLY THE NEXT FRITZL.

Out on the sidelines BORING SPEECH IMPEDIMENT BUT DEFO NOT A TAX EVADER seems to be giving out some hurried instructions.

The goalie rolls it out to RACIST FRIEND CUCKOLDER who offloads it to DRUNKEN ASSAULTER. He turns, knocks it into FREQUENTER OF AGING PROSTITUTES who knocks a superb ball down the line to HORRENDOUS DIVING CHEAT. Oh, that's a lovely piece of skill to beat his man to the byline and he whips in a good cross and (beat) SHAMEFULLY OVERPRICED WIFEBEATER is there! but no, he holds it up and plays in AGING PROSITUTES (beat) AGING PROSITUTES scores!!

Oh! Doesn't it make you proud to be English?!

That's right on the stroke of half-time too. Game on. Now back to the studio where JUNKFOOD PEDDLING CRADLE SNATCHER is talking to NORTHERN MORON and BLATENT CLOSET CASE.

end.